Why I almost backed out of my own boudoir session…
What!? As a boudoir photographer who tells women they need to come in and experience a boudoir shoot, and I almost cancelled my own boudoir shoot? Why? Like many other women I hit a certain “middle” age, and like most women… hormones happen! I gained 30 pounds within a few years after turning 35. I gained a few wrinkles and a different shape to my mouth and face. I look in the mirror and am starting to see my baby face diminish.
Let’s take it back to the night I scheduled. It was a late evening in July and I was feeling like I just needed to do a shoot with recent images of myself. I had wanted a session with a photographer I had followed for a few years now and just loved her work. I had always put it off because I wasn’t sure if I was in the “best physical shape” I should be in for a boudoir session. I joined an online workshop that had told me I needed to schedule pictures of myself, so there I had it. I had my reason to book my shoot. I excitedly booked my shoot online and paid. My session was to take place in late October. That is plenty of time to get in the best shape for my boudoir photoshoot, right?
October gets here and I start the vicious cycle of self doubt. Thinking “maybe I should cancel“, and “maybe I should push it out another 6 months so I can lose 10 pounds first.” I had these thoughts, and many similar up until the night before. I even went as far as thinking to myself “maybe I should email her and tell her I have covid” just to get out of the shoot. I was nervous, and I was in a bad place mentally about my physical appearance. The night before I hovered my finger over the “reply” button on my scheduling email with her.
Needless to say, I didn’t back out even though I almost talked myself into doing so. The morning of I took a deep breath and put all my faith into her hair and make up artist who I swore to secrecy with my before and after photo! When she showed it to me I said “eww don’t show that before picture to anyone!” Then out the door I went to the photographers studio, praying she would make me look like a badass in photoshop, right? I got to the studio and we went through my outfits and chose what outfits I wanted to wear then began shooting. “This isn’t so bad”, I thought to myself! Then she showed me the first image from the back of her camera. Thats right! A RAW, unedited back of the camera image. I thought to myself “Oh my god! I am so much more beautiful than I thought I was!”
I left my photoshoot thinking wow maybe I did just do my shoot like a rockstar. When I got home I told my husband about it and checked her facebook multiple times wondering if she would post a preview. Wondering if I would like the preview, but what if I hated it. Finally, there they were two previews from my session. Confirming that indeed I did rock my photoshoot!
What am I getting at with this story about my boudoir session? Don’t let fear and self doubt psych you out. We are our worst critic, and having another point of view may be just what you need. It’s not just “sexy pictures”. Its a reminder that you are so much more beautiful than you actually think you are. You just need to take a break from the everyday (sweatpants and a hoodie), schedule your shoot and have those badass images to look back on and think “damn, I am a beautiful Queen!”
If you want to join a tribe of women like you, on an adventure of finding themselves, loving theirselves and searching for their inner badass? P.S. you can see my shots from my session in there!